Have you ever thought about starting a business or going back to school for that advanced degree, but second guessed the idea right out of your head? For many of us, sticking to the norm is one of the only ways to avoid the discomforts of facing the unknown. But why… What’s the worst that could happen?

I believe that the thing that stops us are the many ‘fail’ scenarios that our brain generates. You may be thinking, “Does my brain want me to fail?” The answer is ‘no,’ the brain is a complex organ that operates much the same way as a super computer. Its primary functions are to make sure the body is functioning at max capacity while simultaneously monitoring for dangers in the environment that could cause the body harm.

It does its job, but sometimes too well! The brain collects and stores data from our experiences that reinforces what danger and safety may look like. These experiences help the brain to implement defense mechanisms that support our perceptions of danger, and what we should do to keep ourselves safe. These beliefs or perceptions thus motivate our decisions and behaviors.

For myself, I often come up with numerous reasons why I shouldn’t do something; always with the accompanying emotions of fear or worry about the idea. This in turn activates my defense mechanism of avoidance or procrastination. I will avoid thoughts or actions related to the idea, never acting, or procrastinate it away all together.

In a recent self-analysis, I did a deeper dive into my avoidant or procrastinating tendencies. Why do I hold back? I have always coasted in the grey area, the place between success and failure. Unconsciously, I have done just enough to be successful by some people’s standards while also holding back. It’s as if I don’t want to appear as if I am attempting to outshine or outdo others. Selflessness…. Maybe? I have even gone as far as self-sabotage with unconscious intent to avoid succeeding.

This has brought me to the realization that my avoidance of success isn’t only about the fear of failure, but the mere thought of success and what that would look like. I have questioned if I am ready or capable of what success would bring, I have even questioned my worthiness of it.

How were my beliefs created? They are developed by the brain from subtle messages that are heard many times, which may then be reinforced by experiences. For myself, most were developed through statements over the years from family and friends such as “You’re doing too much” or “What are you trying to prove” or “Being black in America, you can only go so far.” I believe that societal stereotypes and microaggressions in the workplace and other settings have also reinforced this core belief.

I’ve come a long way in my awareness of these default beliefs and have taken steps to move past them. By leaning into the good pain or discomfort, I’ve been forced to move out of the internalized places that have supported me with feeling safe and comfortable. At the same time, I’ve acknowledged unhelpful core beliefs that have created fear of both ‘failure’ and ‘success’ which has stunted my personal and professional growth.

Starting my own business brings more than the potential for financial stability, it’s a way for me to be my authentic self while doing something that I love. It also provides me the ability to encourage others to do the same.

I wanted to acknowledge that I am a human being like many others who second guess themselves and their abilities. I hold gratitude for my continued development of self-awareness; how far I have come and how much I will continue to grow.

I encourage others to do their own self-assessment. Identify what core beliefs have been holding you back and begin taking proactive steps to move forward.

Please share feedback and if you’d like, your experiences. Until next time, take care!